The crisis

I hate the way the things
turn out to be
All the wasted years, remains like ashes of a big fire
a fucking pire of lost and desintegration

I'am alone now
my cat roars she loves me
i don't kon why?
may be because i save her
from the street and the kicks
i'll never know

Yesterday i had a crisis
a big one
when everything tourn yellow around you
the air avoiding your lungs
the hands trembling
the tears falling down
the pain in my head
in my soul the hole gets bigger
i´m afraid of that hole, i don´t what to fall into it

The doors that once remains open
now has been shut in my face
I hide my self in the dark
I made a promess not to cut my self
so...i never break a promess
but i punch my legs
is hard to walk now because it hurts

I can say bunch off things
in a psicotic state
but is just a lie
i learn to lie
to defense my self from pain

The shadows of the pass keeps coming
a presence that i want to kill
If i had her in front of me
i'll break every bone in her fucking fat body
she has a face like a person whit down sindrom
well if you love her go a head
but if you have childs i´m sorry for them

Sometimes, the people know they are happy
because they can compare whit someone like me

Has pass a week since i see my psicologist
i´m desperate
i can´t sleep again
I wake up every morning even more tired than yesterday
but still i crawl to go where i´m suposs to

I have no strenght but i made it up
invent a smile and put it over my mouth

But when i´m alone
all vanishes

I want to go out again
i want light
i want sun
i want love
i want to be different
i want to reborn
i want no more stones in my shoes
i don´t want you in my life anymore
you're a big fat lier
a rat, a poisoning snake
you're a hole swalling everything that is close

But i´m reaching the edge
and i´ll break my nails and hands to scape
Hurts me once and is your fault
hurts me twice and is my fault

No one will hurt me anymore
I'm learning to walk again
i´m just a baby
and i need someone who take cares of me
i need a lullaby.

I still believe that beyond this darkness
will be a beatifull light.

Help me to believe.